Perfection and people pleasing have always been my frenemies. They remind me of Regina George. Telling me “It’s not my fault you’re, like, in love with me or something!”. This blogs has challenged me to confront the bitches.
I will admit that I have held back in this space. I have not expressed certain opinions and thoughts. I have feared that my words would not be eloquent, insightful, or inquisitive enough. My grammar may not be up to par. The most terrifying idea has been that my opinions may distance me from those I love most. I have had long periods where I have stopped writing because of these fears.
Wanting to please others has made it difficult for me to express my thoughts, feelings and opinions. A nervous energy surrounds me when I begin to write, speak or think about doing so. This dread is not new. When I see people debating in the comments section of a heated Facebook post my heart beats a little faster. In the wake of this election I have struggled to post anything freely on social media. But this pattern began far before the election ever did.
Recognizing my inclination towards perfectionism and pacifism I want to engage in an experiment with myself. I have decided to post something new every other day on this blog until Christmas. Even if this means posting a single photo. I am also challenging myself to be more open about my opinions. I am giving myself permission to make grammar/spelling mistakes. I will allow things to not come out perfectly. I will accept imperfection. Because my frenemy perfection “She’s a life ruiner, she ruins people’s lives”.